I Think I’ve Found You

Hey Soulmate,

I think I’ve found you. More soon.

x

Bristol

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I Think I’ve Found You

Hot Tub of Heroin

Hey Soulmate,

I feel like a giggling kid high on laughing gas. I have an awkward smile on my face and my eyes are pointed sideways and upward like, “Can you see it? Can you feel it?” I think this is bliss. The thing that, somewhat abused but totally true, Joseph Campbell quote is going on about. It is soft and subtle and full. I wish I could put it in a syringe and shoot you up with it. Imagine yourself as a baby just floating in a sea of gooey placenta, no wait, a warm hot tub of heroin. Whatever, just imagine yourself in a state of complete surrender, no wanting or needing or thinking. Pure being. As babies in utero we don’t even have to think of eating or going to the bathroom. It’s all handled. An unknown science-magic has got this. It is kind of like that. The ego doesn’t disappear, it just kind of goes on mute. Road rage can still flare up but it only lasts a second and then everything returns to this feeling of floating. It is kind of hilarious and goes like this:

  • Blissful floaty feeling
  • Thought bubble: “Shouldn’t I be doing something?”
  • Answer: “Sure or Not. Both are the same.”
  • Confused, neutral, shrug
  • Blissful floaty feeling
  • Thought bubble: “Is this going to last forever?”
  • Answer: “Maybe. Probably not. Does it matter?”
  • Baffled eyebrow shrug
  • Blissful floaty feeling

I feel like I am learning to swim again. I am learning to swim in a world that isn’t broken and my responsibility to fix. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, I do. It just means my ego doesn’t have to invent a life where it will “save the day.” I am learning to swim without ambition to prove my worth. I am learning to swim from an alternative energy source. I can’t explain it really but I know that this feels awesome! I want to give you some (but I don’t have to, you already have it!) I recognize the insane luxury of these thoughts. I can’t make sense of “why” but it doesn’t matter. I would love to share this high with you but I don’t need you, or anyone, or anything, to experience it. It just is. I thought all these new age people were lame and nuts but I’m telling you there is something to this stuff. Judging self-love is the ego’s way of keeping you its’ slave.

Ps. I watch a lot of movies. It was kind of my church growing up. We made a game of checking the movie times and racing to the theater to see if we could make it just in time. So just in case you aren’t a movie person I’ve compiled a handy list for you. The ones at the bottom are pretty obvious and I have starred the ones that would be fun to watch together. x

Flight of the Navigator

Legend

The Mosquito Coast

Dune*

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Amandla! Revolution in Four Part Harmony

Memento

Dr. Strangelove*

Being There*

Pi*

Y Tu Mama Tambien

Street Fight

Force Majeure*

Point & Shoot*

12 Angry Men

Network

War Games

Last of the Mohicans

Shakespeare in Love*

Goonies

Terminator 2

Little Mermaid

Finding Nemo

Toy Story

Hot Tub of Heroin